“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Did you ever think?

When you where a teenager that the stuff you did would come back and bite you in the butt? Do you remember back that far?

I do. And I'm not proud of some of the things I did and I guess they made who I am today. BUT who would I have become if I had been stronger and certain thing had not had happened? I'm not going to go into them here and it really doesn't matter, what done is done. I just can't help wondering.

With Miranda going through her teenager years all these thoughts about what I did do as a teenager has made think back on my life. Sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough with my life. BUT I do have the best and worst job in the world (depending on the day I'm having) Being a stay at home Mom. I try my hardest to be the best I can but most days I feel like I have not done enough for my kids and I feel like they are going to remember how grouchy a mom I was.

Now Miranda is already better than I was at that age and being a girl is hard. Raging hormones, peer pressure, your new found sexuality is coming the the surface and you see that boys are starting to look at you in a way you have never seen before. BUT you don't want them to come too close, yet you do but you don't know how to handle these situations. If your not one trust me I know. Although I can't vouche for being a boy since I've never been one.

I wasn't horrible but I did my fair share of teenage rebellion. I also remember thinking I was going to be a COOL mom. My kids could do what they wanted like I was doing and I would be cool about it. What I didn't know was how much things would change, from sex to drugs to rockn'roll. Well my type of rock'n'roll is back in style and that's pretty freaky! What I didn't know was HOW having a baby would change you attitudes toward things and the way one sees the world.

When Miranda was born she was the most amazing thing I could have imagine. How could I and my Hubby produce something so tiny and wonderful and I get to look after her and rasie her and make up for the mistakes I have made or my parents made with me. I thought alot about my life and what I did and what happened to me and took as many steps as I could to protect her from things that could possibly change her for ever. Yes she is only 15 and I'm still trying to do that. I do know things now will change her forever and that I can't protect her from everything out there. I keep telling her that the choises she makes now will come back to her in later years. She will one day have children and that in itself will change you for ever. I keep telling her to think not act. Hard I know but it's worth the moment you take to make a life altering desicion and it may not seem like it at the time but it is.

I regret like I said before some of the things I did, not all but some and there are circumstances that led me to the some of the things I have done. Things that could have changed my self esteem. And though there are many roads I could have taken I did stand up for myself at one point and realized I deserved more. Not that I conciously thought I deserve more it was more Like I can't take this crap anymore! That is one descision I am happy with. It lead me to who I am today. NOT perfect but trying to be the best that I can be for my kids and for myself as well.

Is there anything in your life that you wish you had not done now that you have kids?


Marla said...

I'll think of this post in another thirteen years, when I'm going through the same thing with Josephine. Your mind must be just spinning these days!

I don't know - but without being flip - I'd say change it to "anyone in your life that you wish you had not done..."

Silver Creek Mom said...

LMAO! OK I'll go with that...But that was not the bulk of my thoughts. People do alot of things that can change a life's direction.

Running2Ks said...

I can think of people I wish I hadn't done...

Seriously, the point of the mistakes is that we learned. Whether or not we want to TELL them about it is another story. My daughters are much younger than yours, but I am sure I will regret much--soon.

BeachMama said...

So far, I don't have too many thoughts about things I did when I was younger. I was a bit of a Momma's girl. I always followed the rules and now I am thankful I did. I do wish I had finished highschool, although it never held me back, it was always a sore spot for me. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years (5) dating a silly guy during highschool and after. It was such a waste, but it all worked out later on.

I do think back now to things my Mom and Dad tried to teach me. Not all of them stuck back then, but I remember them all now. And since I seemed to turn out ok, hopefully I can pass them on to kids and maybe it will help them out later on too.


Pete said...

All of our experiences make us who we are. Hopefully we learn and grow from all of them, even the bad ones. We all make mistakes. Live and learn. Life is too short to dwell.

I never worry too much about mistakes I made when I was younger. That's all water under the bridge now. What concerns me more are the mistakes I make now! (and there's plenty!) The consequences of them are far more serious, and no longer affect just me, but six other people.

Melissa and I often have that feeling that we don't do enough for the kids too. I'm willing to bet that's something no parent can escape from. It's called love. (if I didn't feel that way, I would worry)

PS - Best SQOB yet! - And I can't think of a good answer! Damn! :)