“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Mom worries she is too involed

That should be the headline in today's paper. Instead of all the other stuff that is going on out there. Maybe it's not earth shattering or life changing and it won't save a life but it is life changing for my little girl and thus, me.

I sometimes wonder if I'm too involed in my kids lives. OK it's hard not to be involed in a 4 year olds life I am the center of his world and he mine. And teenagers get a taste of freedom and get them ready to leave the nest. And in doing so with Miranda I have discovered It is not as easy as it seems. They struggle to do what's right and handle these new emotions and have to deal with making the right decisions that set them up for the rest of their lives. They are 15/16! Do we make they grow up too fast? Or does our society make them grow up to fast? Ok I know in some cultures she be too old to be married off. So why am I saying this? I just think there is too much pressure for them to suceed at times. I worry about what this pressure is doing to her mentally and physcially.

I wait for her to come home to hear about her day. I'm thrilled when she is thrilled. I'm upset when she is upset and I fret about it long after she is done. I worry about her constantly lately with a boyfriend, her plays and her school work. She worries about all this and what courses she needs to get into university and if she is making the right descisions. She bounces things off of me and I pray I am doing and saying the right thing for her all the time. My mom guilt is always there making me second guess myself. I know we talk a lot compared to some mother and daughters and I try to give her all the attention I can and give what I think is the right advice. Yesterday I all I could do was hug her and let her cry. She is so frustrated. She is finding grade 10 a bitch of a year and I see it is one of the toughest she has had to go through.

She is working harder than I have ever seen her and she seems to be struggling. Don't get me going on the school system in Quebec. BUT here in Quebec the subjects or most of the subjects to need to graduate are pushed into this year and if you fail them you have a second chance to pass them next year. She needs Physcial Science (ok she is doing really well in that class) History, (she is passing but is not happy with her marks), French; Doing well we think( her teacher has up and quit so heaven knows what her first term marks will be) and she is Immersion french so that means her history is in french too. Math either regular or advanced and she got great marks last year and is in advanced math which she is jut passing. English she is doing fine in and has always done well in this class. And her option for this year was Drama. This is where the tears came in last night.

If you have been here reading for awhile ( I know I'm not the most exciting blog on the blog block but hey it's mine) Miranda is an amazing actress..yeah yeah; you say she is your daughter and you are just a proud mommy. Yes some of that is true but unfornately she is truely good and has gotten top marks in this class and has taken acting classes with professionals all of which has said to us "She is a natural talent she will do amazing things in this field." If you seen her on stage you would know what I mean. She is articulate and has ease of movement and grace on stage. We are thinking of sending her for 2 weeks to Straford where they have a summer camp in theater. She is comfortable and can convey her emotions with ease to the audience. NOW she can't sing and that has been a problem for her when they do the musicals.

So rambling...she came home upset because she did NOT get the top mark in the class. She got 85% she was soo upset and the teacher did not get a chance to tell her why. Some of the other got top marks one of her friends go 96% and she was heartbroken. I asked her if she had thought she had done her best and she says she hasn't but she seems to be stuck with kids who are in there for the easy class or ride. Which it isn't. She also says they have one class to come up with the skit and preform it and she is not good at coming up with idea and when she does she is fought down with it. She will not fight for herself at all. I told her to talk to the teacher and find out what she excepts from her and what she can do to get her marks back to where she she is happy. Her comment to me through her tears was:

"Mom I thought I was good at this. I was told I was a natural. But this year has been a struggle since the day we started. I feel like I'm working harder than ever before and I'm not getting anywhere in any of my classes. I feel like I should quit trying. I'm so tired of fighting. So I planned my life and now I find out that I'm not improving in somthing I LOVE. And these others are improving so well and I'm not. Sciences bore me to tears and If I don't ahve acting which I love what do I have? Nothing. MOM I so want to do this. "

My heart beaks when I hear her talk like this. I told her again to talk to the teacher maybe she is marking you to challenge you. You are a great actor. YOU CAN DO THIS, But you have to really want it and fight and work harder than ever before. BUT do talk to your teacher alone and see what you can do. I have never heard her in such a self defeatist attitude. She is not usually like that she is a upbeat kid. She should have some fun to balance all this hard work they seem to be putting them through. She is having issues with being in a realtionship. And not with her boyfriend just with what others say and think about them. Nothing we would consider major but to her it is big because it is new. Having peer pressure what is expected from them. She is doing things her own way but what others say is still bothering her.

I wish I could just wrap her in a blacket and hug her and keep her safe till everything settles down. I know it will not do her any good., BUT it would make me and her feel so much better. So yet again I sit and wait for her to come home to see how her day went and see what was said to her from her teacher. And as always I will be here to hold her when she cries or laugh with her when she is happy

I guess I am too involed. Although I consider myself lucky to have the time to be so.
Maybe I am too involed only time will tell and then next headline might read like this.

Actor in therapy because of over issues mother.

Do you think your parents were involed enough in your life.

I know mine weren't, I sorta raised myself because there was 5 of us. And I being the oldest was supposed to know better. HA!


Sunny said...

My parents were WAY TOO involved in my life. I swear.

I am involved in my kids life too- even tho they are grown- but it's not a controling type involved.

twinmomplusone said...

My parents were somewhat involved in my life. Basically, they were struggling immigrants.

My heart goes out to Miranda, what a tough year she's had. Being a teenager is no easy feat these days it seems.

I hit a year like Miranda's but later on, first year of CEGEP. Everything that had come easy to me, academically speaking, all of a sudden became harder. I had boyfriend problems too. I was ready to quit it all, start working full-time, until a very astute chemistry teacher noticed me and had a very long talk and set me straigth that one has to work hard to get where one wants to go. I am forever grateful to her.

I don't think you are "too involved". I pray and hope I will be that involved with my own kids when they reach that age. I want to live along with them, good times, bad times. I want to be taht sounding board and be taht shoulder to cry on. That's the kind of mom we want to be and there's nothing wrong with taht.

good luck

BeachMama said...

I don't think you are too involved. You just LOVE your kids! There is nothing wrong with that. My parents were involved for sure, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Heck they are still involved :). Their involvement has always made me feel so loved.

Sorry Miranda is having such a rough go with school this year, hopefully she will get the courage to talk to her teacher and find out that her teacher is just trying to challenge her. Remind her not to give up!

Running2Ks said...

I think being involved is so important--especially since adolescence extends through college. You know all of the commercials about parental involvement being the anti-drug and such.

My parents were involved a lot--but not so much that I couldn't make mistakes.

Marla said...

I think you are a wonderful mom.

And my parents were far too involved in what THEY considered important in my life, and not involved enough in what I valued.

Hence, I never learned how to learn well.

Warm wishes for all the best.

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks all. It's a balancing act to know where to draw the line and where not to.
Although I try to let her head in what she wants to talk about. More often than not she will talk.