About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I'm going to vent or I might cry.

This is not going well. I'm the easy parent. I'm the one that stands up for my daughter and let her to try new things. But this COED sleepover seems to be putting a gap between us. I know she doesn't understand and she thinks it's because she has a boyfriend but really it's not. Well it is but it isn't...KWIM ? AS far as I know all the kids that are invited are going the boy's especially. What I can't figure out is why so many parents with all the stuff that goes on out there will allow it. I feel awful, the MOM GUILT is over powering.
I trust her but I want to protect her. She doesn't see it that way. She wants to know what the hell I'm talking about. She thinks her friends are all angels; for the most part they are. She said could I go if I didn't have a boyfriend and I said NOPE it wouldn't matter. She says you don't trust me to say no. I said Miranda I KNOW how hard it is to sayNO in the heat of the moment Smart girls and smart boys still give in and get into trouble. Hormones RULE at your age and they take awhile to get a handle on. I might let her go IF I could go with her but she no I wouldn't want you there and my Friends would be horrifed. What type of parents are letting this party happen?
I know I'm doing the right thing....but why does it have to be so hard?
Even good kids get into trouble.
I wish I could poll the other parents and see what made them decide to allow this?
Or do they really know about it all?
I really feel like I'm loosing control here or loosing my daughter's trust?
So I'm finally a bitch in my daughters eyes.


nancy said...

Even though there is NO chance she will accept your decision at the moment, but one day, "one day" she will, and she will repsect you for it and understand completely.

Marla said...

Here I sit, sixteen years later wishing my parents were as smart as you. I have all that I have today despite who I was more than because of who I was.

I would bet if you talked to the other parents some would agree with you, and some wouldn't be willing to do the harder thing, and some don't know at all. But, the kids wouldn't think it's such a great idea if all of the parents know all about it.

You just seem like a bitch to her because kids are so id-driven and are unable to see forwards, backwards or from any angle you name at that age. I do remember once yelling at my mother, who kept telling me she wanted to be my friend "I don't need another friend, I need a mother." And so, if it will help carry you through this, can I tell you that I fully plan on being the bitch so that my daughter can both remain and become the fine person that she already is? I wish my mother was the person that told me this, but I think I read it in a Judy Blume book instead: You can't go back to just holding hands. That doesn't just apply to sex - it applies to a lot of things.

Gosh, I have a tendancy to surround myself with mottoes and platitudes, and then inflict them upon others!

I'm sorry your hurting, and I only want to help.

BeachMama said...

You are doing the right thing. One day she will remember and thank you. I am sure if you talked to the other parents they would tell you that they did not know it was co-ed, at the very least any other girls parents. They boys, well I have a feeling that there is a double standard out there. Won't it just suck for "J" when he won't be allowed to go when all his friends were. I have a few memories of not being allowed to go years back, sadly I opted to lie about it after that and go anyway. Almost got caught, almost.

Anna - sending you hugs and reminding you that Miranda doesn't HAVE to go at all!!!

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks PEOPLE! you make doing this alot easier. Last night we talked and she is ok with it now. She still figures we don't trust her. I just keep saying it's not really a trust issue. NO matter if you had a boyfriend or not your a pretty girl and it's just not a good thing. IF you choose to do this at 17 ot 18 so be it. BUT right now I can't allow this. I told her to tell her friends that we are not letting her stay and no reasons given. Some of the guys understand. Even Tucker. The girls are the ones that don't. Are they that nieve?

Thanks all for the word of encouragement.

YOUR the best all of you!

AGK said...

This too shall pass... It's amazing, but soon, she will forget about this. Just remember that YOU are the MOM and don't give in. Anger only lasts a little while, but think of the things that could last much longer (says she who became a mom at 14)...

Pete said...

Good for you and Jack for standing firm on this. You are good parents who do the right thing. What is most disturbing is to see how many parents will allow this!
Marla said it best, your daughter does not need another "friend". She needs a MOM, which is BETTER! Friends come and go. Just keep loving her the way you do. I promise, you do not have to worry or feel guilty. Even though she might not see it your way right know, deep down inside she appreciates your love and concern for her. She respects that. You will see. And one day she will see the difference between her mom and some of her friend's moms, who might not have cared. She will be thankful.

Mark (Lord of the Idiots) said...

As the parent of a 15 year old daughter myself, I think you handled it exactly the way I would have. Hang in there! We fought with our now 18 year old son forever, and now he is finally understanding why we did the things we did when he was younger. Good Luck!