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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

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I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

What is this society turning into?

sexual harassment






sex·u·al ha·rass·ment


noun

Definitions:

unwanted sexual advances: unwanted sex-related behavior toward somebody, e.g. touching somebody or making suggestive remarks, especially by somebody with authority toward a subordinate


This was found at Encarta

This is not what I was looking for but it was the closest I could come for the age group believe it or not. Apparently it's something that happens to adults not something that happens in a high school setting.

So...
What are parents teaching their children? Especially some boys?

Ok not all parents just the odd few that make it miserable for the rest of us, who have morals and values and teach our kids right from wrong and that any form of bullying or harassement is not to be tolerated. Yes I'm preaching today. I don't preach much I don't often voice my opinion for fear of hurting someone elses feelings.
WELL
What about my daughters feelings. This last nights conversation as she came home from school.

"How was you day?"
"Fine"
"You look very sad, have you been crying?"
"Yes"
"What's the matter? "
"Oh nothing much I'm being paranoid."
"Miranda tell me. Is it something with your boyfriend?"
"Sort of, he's mad at me."
"WHY?"
"He said I didn't defend myself when this other boy sort of touched me inapporiately?"
"What did he excatly do?"
"He slammed and pinned me against a wall in front of my friends and groped me to see what reaction he could get out of Tucker."
"What did Tucker Do? "
"Shoved him away but he came back."
"And what did you do?"
"I said No stop and I tried to get away, but he's twice my weight."
"Miranda do you want to file a harrasment complaint against this boy, it's not the first time is it? And this is NOT RIGHT AT ALL!"
"NO I just want it to go away, I must have done something wrong? I must have asked for it, maybe I was flirting but I don't think so I hardly talk to him"
"No Miranda you didn't this is sexual Harassment we have talked about this. When it was over what did you do?"
"I tried to laugh it off Mom. I really didn't know what to do, I felt so icky and sick inside. "
Tucker barely spoke to me after and didn't walk out to the bus with me like he always does. He must be soo mad at me."

And the phone rings it's her friend Matt. Mad as hell at this boy! He cries with her and tells her he will do anything to help her with this boy.

She's 15 and another 15/16 year old is treating her like she is not a human being with feeling and emotions.
She is just an object. None of the kids there knew what to do and are well brought up and know that is is wrong. What bothers me is that NONE of them their tried to stop it(and there was about 10 standing around) and let Miranda try to deal with it on her own. So are we teaching our kids to stand up for others or are we teaching our kids to NOT get INVOLED. Yes it is hard to take a stand at that age, but someone one should have said something. Worst of all I feel LIKE I FAILED in parenting my girl. She should have gotten MAD AS HELL and kneed the young man and fought to get away in some way defended herself, yes she is only 94 lbs soaking wet but she could have done something. Even if it was just screaming her head off that she wanted his hands off of her! Then maybe someone would have stepped in and helped her. All night she felt like she had brought it on herself. SHE DIDN'T. She cried most of the night. I ended up sleeping with her most of the night. So we set up a plan where she takes a few friends with her this morning and tells this boy she wants him to stop touching her and not to talk to her again. OR she will file a harassment complaint against him. Now I have to sit here till 5 to find out what happend. I hope she is strong enough to do this. I told her to use all her aacting abilites to get her through this. I told her she is in a play where she is a tough assed chick to standing up for her rights and we know she can act. Otherwise I'm in there tomorrow to do it myself. ENOUGH.

So people teach your children to step up and not stand by or how to defend themselves against people who do not see this as a problem cause they seem to start out young. I see I do. And you people out there who have children in high school and say that boys will be boys....Get it right...It's WRONG AND A VOILATION OF PERSONAL SPACE. No does MEAN NO!

http://parenting.ivillage.com/tweens/twsafety/0,,67t0,00.html
No SQOB Sorry too anrgy.

9 comments:

twinmomplusone said...

Oh Sharon, poor Miranda, what an ugly world out there, and this bully needs to be stopped as scary as it may be for them

You totally impress me how your daughter feels so safe with you and tells you everything, very inspiring, and I pray that my own daughters will be like that with me during their teenage years. Good job mom!

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks but honestly I'm glad she talks to me about a lot but I know she doesn't tell me EVERYTHING. I would nieve to think that.

Brenda said...

Sharon,

first you ahven't failed as a parent! You have been teaching your daughter morals and she trusts you with your open conversations, so you are doing lots right!

As for this boy, he obviously has some issues that are not being addressed, but what saddens me is whe you said there wer e about 10 others standing and watching. With all the bullying programs, we often focus on the bully, what we need to empower our kids is how to stand up for the victim! This takes the power away from the bully.

I hope Miranda has an easier time today at school. I would like to suggest that you call someone at school as well. They might have had other complaints about this student and are keeping a running file on him and his behaviors. As far as i'm concerned, this is not only a criminal offense, but a violation of the student code of conduct and he should be suspended!

Oh, boy, you've got me on a rant!

Brenda

BeachMama said...

Sharon, I agree with TwinMom and Brenda, you are doing such a great job and how on earth does this kid think he can treat others like that.

I'll go. Let me have a little chat with him and shove him into the wall and grope him a little. I am more than 90lbs soaking wet and am not afraid of a teenage bully. AND I'll have a little chat with the other friends not saying anything while this is going on. A bully in school unstopped will never stop.

Sad, but true, I have an Uncle that is still a bully. He is in his 60's and bullies his brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws. But, funny thing, he never does it in front of my Dad because he knows he would not be able to do it as my Dad does not tolerate that kind of behaviour. My Uncle was never stopped and yes those around his last outburst just stood by and watched while the one being bullied almost had a heart attack.

Need some back up? Give me a call ;)

Hugs, you are a great Mom and Miranda is so fortunate to have you to talk to. Think of the other girls that don't have great parents like you.

Anna

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks People

I know I am lucky that she talks to me. And I will do something after I hear about what happened today. I may do something anyways I talked with a consiour friend of mine this afternoon and she urged me to start a file on this kids NOW.

What really made Miranda upset was the GIRLS said she was over reacting and the boys were disgusted but didn't know what to do. I think a talk is inorder with some of her friends especially her boyfriend. And the TIT that said she ws over reacting.

I will call Anna if I need back up but I'm not afraid of this kid either he is Not very tall and I mean when pushed but having you behind me would be cool.

Brenda I would rant too. In fact I did. I was so mad I had trouble sleeping last night.

Twin Mom I'm here if you need me when your girls are this age. HOPEFULLY it never does!

nancy said...

I agree with twinmom with the fact that Miranda feels so comfortable with you is a very good indication of you being a good parent. I also think that this incident bothering her so much is another one, what if she just didn't care? Or if you heard about it from a third party? You are doing everything as best as you can, good job.

What happened when she came home? I hope she kicked some sorry ASS at school today and put that bully in his place.

Silver Creek Mom said...

She talked to him but she went alone and he took control again. SO no she did not kick his sorry ass.

I am making a complaint this morning. He's done this for the last time. The boyfriend is very hurt she didn't fight. He dosen't understand what it's like to be a victim. I have talked to him so we'll see on that front.

Gotta get ready too much to do today with this threw in. PLease pray hard I need it all.
Sharon
Near tears again

Marla said...

I would get in my car and come over and give you a big hug if I could. And Miranda. And her boyfriend.

In first grade I wore a skirt I was growing out of to school one day, and the bus driver made a comment that made me feel queasy. I told my mom, and she fought for me and was disciplined. Which, when he came back, was cause for him to find more insidious ways to punish me - then he pinned my hand to the pole with his and scared me. Then my mom had him fired - but it took so much work that we both were exhausted and tearful for ages.

You can't have the guy fired - but you're right - you need to step in. It's too complicated and treacherous for a young girl to navigate alone, and it's great that she trusted you enough to tell you. Adult professionals have to deal with this. Safety is more important than popularity, because it always escalates unless it's nipped in the bud. It's not her fault in any way - but this kind of conflict is so shattering that it's no wonder she's questioning herself.

Running2Ks said...

I am shaking angry too. I hope you step in and say something. I am so sorry for her!