About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.


I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Rants, ravings and other thoughts

Valentine's day is OVER...Yeah!

I think I'm more cycnical about it than I was yesterday. I guess my mothering instinct is coming to the surface. And I'm hurt for my daughter. Maybe I want for her what I didn't get. Maybe I want to much for her. Maybe I want her life to be full of roses and chocolates and special little notes. Why did I expect anything from a 15 yr old boy. BUT I did and I know she feels let down but will not say anything about it. I guess I wanted her to get the things I never got or thought I deserved. Yes there is reason why I say this but that's for another blog when I'm feeling rather brave.

Yesterday Miranda did her Treasure hunt for T. He liked it but it made him feel bad and like a looser. He didn't even get her a card or buy one of the roses that they were selling to be delievered to her at school. She said she didn't care but I could see the hurt in her eyes last night. She is not hard to please so anything would have done. I was all I could do not to cry with the pain I felt for her. She felt bad beacause alot of her friends without boyfriends got a rose and she had nothing. She smiled though the whole day but I know her and I know how she felt.

I know she loves this boy and he I know he loves her and don't get me wrong, I like him, he's smart; he's funny and he makes my daughter laugh, He good to her and tells her how pretty she is and how amazing she is all the time but he could try alittle on this day (yesh I know I'm contradicting myself) and he is 15 even though he seems older. She deserves at least this much. I know they are both learning because it is there first realtionship. What made this day worse for her was that when some of their other friends found out what she had done and they laughed at her and said it was a stupid idea. She was crushed!

A few of their guy friends said ( yes talk is cheap) said they would have done at least something for her which made T feel even worse again. Preer pressure alone is hard. One, who I know still has a thing for her said "You know no matter what ,Miranda you are one of the nicest people I know and I want what you and T have and if I was in his place I would be buying you flowers whenever I could. " That made her feel special.

She could tell that T was embrassed that he had done nothing for her. She didn't want to make him feel like that, which as we woman all know, makes us feel even worse in return. He did by the end of the day he did write her a love note on loose leaf and cut it in the shape of a heart and gave it to her just before he went to reheresal. He said that he had a BIG plan but because he can't drive and no amount of chocolates or flowers or a movie out would be enough to tell her how much he loves her. She cried. It was a nice apology. A few of her girlfriends went awwww, when they read the note.

So why have this day if all it does is make people feel bad? Young or Old? I heard listening to the radio this morning all the nice things people did for each other yesterday. It made me feel bad that I didn't even make my hubby a cheesecake or something. Again there is the pressure to do thing to make you look good infront of others. One Guy bought 7 dozen roses and gave his wife them as she entered each room of the house. HOLY SHIT who has that kind of money.

I know the thought behind it was a good one, but like anything else that started out for one reason or another it has become jaded and commercalized. I feel bad for my daughter, I feel bad for T becasue he didn't have the brains to try and now his friends are teasing him. I feel bad because everyone else is feeling bad.

So maybe I too much of a mom for my own good. Maybe I'm a closet romantic and I want to get out but don't want to buy into the commercailism of the day.

Although to the good side of Valentines Day. When I told Jack of Mir's day he went right out and bought both his kids a chocolate heart (and yes me too) which made Miranda feel better. And Nathan loves Chocolate and was super happy. I guess the day ended well.

SO Sniff Sniff ,Sorry to blog out my heartaches but I need someone to tell if you don't want to read then stop. I need to get out of the house more I guess and do some me things.

Happy Feb 15th all.

SQOB

I may regret this, but do you think I'm too involed in my childrens lives? Sometimes I feel like I am but how can one not be?

10 comments:

twinmomplusone said...

no way you're too involved in your kids lives, what hurts them hurts you too, heck I'm exactly like that

Miranda and T would most probably deal with each other and everything they do and don't do without all those other kids areound them, why do they need to meddle so much with them?

hugs

Marla said...

Ouch...just ouch, for you and Miranda.

It brings back all of those icky high school memories for me. I don't think you're too involved - I think you're just right. Why have children if you're not going to be emotionally invested in them?

BUT, and here's where I might put my foot in it...

I'm always (really - in nearly every conversation) telling my own mother "I do not let how others are be the measure of the person that I want to be." This, to explain my position, is often in response to anything from how my family chooses gifts, how they treat my grandmother, or how hard I work to be a good mother to Josie, even if it means they think I'm an over-reactive nut.

So, I would put it to Miranda - would she have proceeded with your Valentine's Day plans knowing that she would be met with unequal (or, as the case may be - non-existent) measure?

And if she would have, then she is fine - and is the person she wants to be; and at a young age, that's awesome. And, she can learn my response and spit it out so many times it wears a path on her tongue. If she wouldn't have, then part of being a gracious and considerate person (which one has to learn through experiences like this, as I had to and do still) is not to put others in an uncomfortable position by gifting (either with objects or intent) in a manner which cannot be reciprocated. I don't mean for that to sound bitchy. I'm guilty of that often too.

But this was a way for him to learn how she'd like to be treated, which may be good for both of them, as hard as it was. The thing with the friends - teenage pack mentality SUCKS.

And your husband? A hero. Teenage girls need to remember that nobody loves them as much as their parents.

Great post Sharon.

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks Marla and Twinmom

Marla...She would have still given the gifts (It was her plan not mine I just help her with the details)And she did say she did not expect too much in return. BUT I know her. I know she wanted to be made to feel special. What teenage girl doesn't? Especially one with a boyfriend. And I think he tried to do a good job of that after the fact but being 15 he would not know what to do to that or how to say it. And yes the PACK mentailty sucks. Even some of the girls asked her what he got her and when she nothing they were shocked and surprised. Of course one of her friends got the cream de la cream of Valentine's day gifts. Of course the boy is 17 and a romantic at heart. He showed up at school and gave her a dozen roses. She went to first class and there was candy and a note to meet him at the front doors he was taking out to lunch and then he came back after school and drove her home with a teddy bear sitting on the seat. OK that's alot. And he is rare.

I agree it is good for both of them. It teaches them that they can't take each other for granted. Another hard lesson. But of course I hurt along with her and I can't to take her in my arms and make everything all right. I can't kiss her bobo's all better anymore even if I want to.

She does KNOW how much we love her and that will never change.

Thanks again Marla you always have great things to say. Your never BITCHY. I would to have just a coffee one day and sit and talk. We can learn so much form one another. I do this with Twinmom and I love it. ;)

Pete said...

I don't know if you can be TOO involved in your children's lives.
(but I'm thinking, no)
I think it shows how much you love them.
And hey, better too involved than not involved enough! Right? :)

twinmomplusone said...

eeek, that boy got all that stuff for Miranda's friend? now that would turn me right off, too much, too stifling and what a show-off to do all that in school, what's he trying to prove. I think the quiet signs of affection are the truest ones, not this flashy stuff. As for the teenage packs, if I was Miranda and they'd ask me what he got me I'd say something along the lines of its between me and him as in its none of your business instead of saying "nothing"

I had a boyfriend once who kept sending love notes and write poems and discuss in length what we would do together when married...I was 15 and after a few months of this told him to take a hike, it was just too much

hope Miranda is recovering from her disapointment

twinmomplusone said...

eeek, that boy got all that stuff for Miranda's friend? now that would turn me right off, too much, too stifling and what a show-off to do all that in school, what's he trying to prove. I think the quiet signs of affection are the truest ones, not this flashy stuff. As for the teenage packs, if I was Miranda and they'd ask me what he got me I'd say something along the lines of its between me and him as in its none of your business instead of saying "nothing"

I had a boyfriend once who kept sending love notes and write poems and discuss in length what we would do together when married...I was 15 and after a few months of this told him to take a hike, it was just too much

hope Miranda is recovering from her disapointment

Marla said...

Thanks, Sharon - a lovely note back. Coffee ANYTIME.

And Twinmom is right - too much is not a good thing either.

A happy medium would be nice, even at the side of medium that is rather minimal. And, I didn't want to ask before, but I want to ask now...what is Miranda's boyfriend's mother like? Because despite what you say, I AM bitchy enough to think - isn't that part of her job to help him, just like you did Miranda?! (OOOOOH - see - I'm doing that AWFUL thing of judging another mother by her kid's actions and I am SO far removed from this it's just not ANY of my business! I am spending another ten minutes in hell for that one!)

Because one of the reasons I knew Steve was a keeper was because he is really really good to his parents (now- as a teen he was a bit obnoxious, though loving, of course), plus, he's nicer than I am to my mother (like buying her Connie Francis CD's from the cheapie bin when he's in the music store). I know this isn't a forever thing for Miranda (although, look at Ann D's post) - but it's a helpful indicator!

BeachMama said...

Sharon,
You are in not way too involved in your children's lives!!! I think I have said it before, that there are so many kids out there who would be so fortunate to have you as their Mom. Your kids always know how much you love them and your involvement in their lives will help them to stay out of trouble.
Sorry for Miranda that T didn't come through on the day, I have to agree with Marla that there might just be a little of something missing between T and his Mom. She needs to teach him what he needs to know.

Anna

Silver Creek Mom said...

Yeah well He is a nice guy. I know this one since he was in elementray school. He made her dinner for their 1 yr annivesary. He is a keeper. And the girl loves it. And there is no way she would let him puxh her around trust me. She's one bossy chick! LOL!

nancy said...

I was gonna write what Marla said - you'd think with T's mother knowing what Miranda was doing, she might have at least hinted or suggested to him that he may wanna at least make her a card?