About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Questions asked at long last

Dani asked

"Okay, here's a question for you: think back to your last year of high school. How different is your life right now than what you would have imagined at that age? And if you could give your high-school self one piece of advice, what would it be?"

I thought "Oh Wow" this is gonna be an easy one to answer, but as it turns out it isn't easy at all. I've tried to write this blog 4 or 5 times and each time I read it I rewrite and change things. I want to give a clear and truthful answer. It's not something I've thought about much in the 25 yrs it's been since I graduated. Yes this June it will be that long. That in itself is scarey to me. Next year Miranda will graduate and move on with her life and I'm trying to remember that part of mine. In a way doing this is very therapeutic for me. Making myself see what I could have been if I had the courage to do those things THEN.

MY life is not that different than I thought it would be and yet again certain aspects of my life now is TOTALLY (said with a valley girl Accent, Ottawa valley that is) not what I expected . And I'm happy to say my life is better than I thought it would be for the most part, and other parts have not turned out how I expected at all. Although Even through the bad, I have found alot of good that has risen from the ashes, so to speak.

I am big believer in fate. Things happen for a reason. In grade 11 I thought I would move out from my parents house After I had finished Cegep and go to art school, thought I would live in a tiny little apartment and be by myself for awhile. I knew I wanted to marry at some point and have kids and have a nice house somewhere. I didn't have any notion of where or with who. I never thought I would build my own and I never thought I would live right next door to my family.

Well I did go to Cegep and I did go to Art school, and all through I wondered where this was going to lead me. I guess I knew deep down I wanted another carreer but was not willing to change. I'm sure Fate had it's reasons but maybe I was not listening. I'm good at that. I'm alittle stubborn that way. I had a fantasy of what Art was like and I loved that fantasy I can paint and I love to do it but I'm not ever going to be like one of my heros. But that's ok. It's not that I don't like painting, painting is a
solidary thing but I now know I wanted to be with people and talking and discussing art type things. I know now I should have been a designer of some sort. I had no clue what to do with my art and have never marketed myself very well. I know now I would never had made any money at it and it's not even the money thing, it's being satisfied with myself and what I was doing. I wanted to be productive in some way. Here's what I imagined myself to be. In some office working with people who were like minded as me and doing designs that would make familys happy and make a house a home. Dressing nicely. Yes clothing has always been a thing of mine. LOVE nice clothes. But I didn't have the math and no confidence in myself to step out and do it.

I never did live alone in that tiny apartment. Fate step in and sent me my Hubby to be before I graduated High school (Just before) We met in late May of that year! And Jack has been very supportive of anything I have ever wanted to do, even back then.

Things that I never thought would happen to me. Marry a smart man. I can hear you all laughing but in grade 11 even thought I had just begun to figure out who I was but wasn't quite there yet, things I had done and that had happened to me changed me to the point that I didn't believe I deserved a smart and good looking man. Then Jack came to the plate, I fell for him HARD and low and behold he for some reason fell for me. It might not have been love at first sight but it was the next best thing. He treated me the way I had only hoped to be treated, and he still does.( Yes I had some bad boyfriends all though school. And I figured that was the way I was supposed to be treated.). I may complain about Jack at times but I do know he is one hell of a catch. ;) We married just before I turned 19 and we will celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversay in 2007. And let me say the S*x has never been better.

I never thought I would have been able to stay at home with my kids. I have loved that. Although I times I would have been a janitor just to get away from them. BUT not really. I love being a Mom and I don't think I do to bad at it.

One thing that I had never expected was the ability not to have kids, easily. I thought I would be like my mom and have them without even trying. This was not the case for me. I have Secondary Infertility. Which explains the HUGE gap between my 2 kids. Even Miranda was not easy to concieve, she took over a year. I lost a number of pregnancies and after years of trying finally had Nathan. The one that has given me more gray hair than anyone I know. BUT I love every minute of it and he is worth every second of it. My boy is going to do things. Watch out world!

But even through the heartache of what I have gone through to have kids, a lot of good has come out of it. Nathan first and foremost. Miranda's love for her brother which makes me smile every time I see it come out in little ways. AND though all the pain I have met some of the most amazing and smart and loyal women through this. They are people I trust with my inner most thoughts and pains. I would do anything for them. Heck we even take trips to hang out together! Nothing like it. And if this had not happened to me, I would not have met any of these ladies and my life would be lacking quite abit.

Can I say my Life is different than I thought? Well Yes and No. I am married, to better than I thought. I did have kids, not as many as I thought but I think God or the divine beings or fate was smarter than I on that one. I'm living on the farm I grew up on and I never thought that would ever happen, and next door to my parents, who believe or not are too busy and I hardly ever see them. I enjoy my kids and I love talking with them. They have such great ideas. I never thought I would be a good parent, and at times I think I'm still not but after listening to all the mom's I know it's a part of life. I'm way stronger than I thought I was. Although I still won't argue or press my point with people. I have opinions but I keep them to myself most times UNLESS It's here.

What advice would I give my 17 year old self? Listen to that inner voice that was telling me THAT Art in the way I was looking at it was not the way to go and not what I really wanted. You know that's the first time I have ever said that out loud. Humm. What I wanted was to work and be with people and design kitchens and baths and homes that would make people happy, to be part of that process would have been awesome. I would tell myself to Learn to be strong and DO what that inner voice tells you. It was there but I wasn't listening. It took years for me to hear what it was saying. I would have been happy going to college and not thinking that I wasn't smart enough or strong enough for University. I would have loved being a designer. I may yet. IF I can get the courage to try. Listen to that inner voice Sharon.

The last piece of advice I would give myself is to HAVE FUN! Have the COURAGE to do everything you want to that's legal. Don't worry so much about what others think. Something to this day I struggle with and have to kick myself in the pants when I hear that inner dialogue going through my head. I've gotten a lot better over the years.

I hope this answers the first question to what you had hoped. Thanks Dani. I will be getting to the others in the days to come.

Your turn. What advice would you give yourself in your last year of high school?

1 comment:

DaniGirl said...

Wow, what a great answer Sharon!

You know what, it's never too late. Maybe once Nathan is in school full time, you can look into a career in design, or further your education. The world is open to you!