About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Is it just me?

Life has been alittle difficult since I had children, no correct that, life has been totally difficult since I decided to have kids, although I say that like it was one a revelation that I wanted kids. It wasn't. I've always wanted kids and I wanted to have 4 kids all about 3 years apart so one would be out of diapers and just about in school but not far enough apart not to be able to play with each other. Well God had other plans for me or the divine being , Murphy's law or whatever else you want to call it. Joke was on me.

What are you getting at Sharon? Well it's been a tough few weeks for me. Scratch that, for my kids and in turn me. I'm realizing My kids are growing way to fast for me. I want to protect and keep them safe, although I'm no wear near as bad as and I feel that ages me when I don't want. I still feel like I did way back when, except with a few more pounds, hair issues I would rather not talk about and although back then I was unsure of my self all the time now, I'm unsure of myself half the time. Well that got better. I worry about my kids constantly ( I know join the club) and when something goes wrong for them I feel it in the pit of my stomach. Nathan has been bored lately. I see that his young mind needs to be stretched and used. He's at that age where I can't amuse him the way I used to. His imgination is amazing. The way mine used When I was a kid. Yes I can remember back that far, I can't remember yesterday but I can remember then. He needs someone to play and talk more as time goes by and he is constantly asking questions. Drive me mad with them because they are getting so complex and deep that I really can't answer them. YIKES! Yesterday I was worried about Miranda and her Advance math exam that I really wasn't pay attention to him. He was doing things to get my atttention and I wasn't falling for it. He called me at one point after I scolded him for something and he said" Mommy?" I answer "What now?" He goes "I just want you to love me. " Sigh, turn red, melt, feel bad, and any other thing you could put here. I knee down and hug him and say I do love you...all the time and with all my heart, and ok open up the tear ducts and he says that's good but save some room for Miranda she needs love too. CRY. OK Nathan, Mommy is a bitch.

And then Miranda calls for school in tears. Her math exam did not go well. She didn't finish the exam and ran out of time. She had to wait for a call from the teacher to see if she failed or not, and then she takes the next level down exam down on Thursday. She knew the stuff. I mean she knew it. She studied. She had a help from her aunt, the math whiz and a teacher. But she didn't make it. Last night, after her teacher called, she wasunsteandablely upset but she knew he would call. She seems to have dealt with it well. She has never found math easy. She's been good at it but has to think about it to get it to process and learn it. The school for some reason does not offer the level she needs. Not the regular math which would kill her by being too slow and the advanced math is for student who are lovers of the subject. Jack and I on the other hand are not. We are not blaming her in the least. I think she might have passed if she was more relaxed. BUT it didn't happen. Both of us have knots in our stomachs worring about her and this stupid test. When I became a mom I know I would share in all the glory and the pain, but I didn't know it would be this hard, and it's only an exam. I'd rather share the glory. One of the reasons, I know she lost so much weight this year. And that's another thing I'm begining to see is that I have never made food a big importance here. She eats very healthy but not lots, and when she stresses she doesn't eat much at all. We've dicussed this alot this past week and she see's to feed her brain and her boady she has to eat and exercise. Something else she doesn't do alot of. Or me for that matter. I'm going to have to make some changes to me to set an expamle. To help lead her to a good way of life. Where I comforted myself with food, she does not. NOT a bad thing but we have to eat no matter what.

I am rather surprised at times how much pride I can feel for my kids, and how much pain I feel right along with them. As they go out in the world, I don't think it's going to get any better.

Any hints on dealing with all this?


Hope said...

First of all, breath, great big slow ones, right from your tummy.
It's tough, this loving business, and I have wanted so many times to shield my children from emotional pain.
I'd do anything for my kids.
Be kind to yourself.
This too will pass.

twinmomplusone said...

dear sweet SCM, hence the saying love someone so much it hurts. I get what you are going through as I'm right there with you. We hurt when they hurt, we're happy when they're happy. But our roles as moms is to show them how to deal with the good and the bad times, that is life after all. Giving them coping mechanisms, leading by example, taking care of ourselves taht 's what we have to do.

As for nathan, his mind is so ready to start school. He's just going to gobble everything up.

Good luck, hang in there ;)

hugs from across the river

BeachMama said...

TwimMom said it best (darn she keeps beating me to the posts). Nathan is so ready for school, just start gearing him up now so when September comes he will know that you won't be with him.

I don't know how to help with the math and school problems, I had enough of my own. I now know the pain my parents went through when I had troubles. As for the getting fit and healthy, could you and Miranda join a club together for the summer? Make it a Mom and Daughter adventure? Perhaps "GoodLife" where it is women only and they have care for kids.


nancy said...

I wish I had the hints for you my friend, but I don't. I think just feeling how you are shows you are a good parent, that will reflect in your favour.

Hang in!!!

Marla said...

What you are going through is so hard...I don't know what to say about Nathan, but as for Miranda and tests?

What helped me was a tutoring session that wasn't about learning the work, but how to take tests. The tutor taught me to read all the questions first, and then divide them into sections, the ones I could answer easily, the ones that I needed to answer in order to answer the harder ones, and then the ones to go back to and spend time on if there was time. Also to consider which ones were important for points - and for showing the work. Most important, to read the questions correctly to make sure I was answering what I was really supposed to answer - not what I thought I was supposed to answer. It turns out I used to spend a lot of time on the wrong parts, and although I knew the work, I'd get lost in my own head and spin my wheels doing extra stuff that didn't count.

And as for you, just be good to yourself, and your kids will follow your lead.

Farm Mommy Kirsten said...

There's a special struggle between mother and daughter that I don't think happens with mothers and sons. I think it might have to do with daughters being a closer reflection of ourselves.

Miranda is young and has time to wrap her head around this math thing. I like the advice of looking into a test taking tutor. There are plenty of resources on the internet or you can see the school for some ideas. As a teacher, I make sure that I teach students these skills and there may be someone at her school willing to take the time out to do that for her.

Summer is almost here and you'll find Miranda a changed woman once the stresses of school are lifted. I'm looking forward to my own metamorphisis once school's out!

Silver Creek Mom said...

A test tutor is a great idea. She is pretty orgainized but there may be some small things that would help. Alittle late for this year but not for next. YEs she did know the stuff, but I know she takes her time to try and get stuff done right, but not effeciently.