About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I need...something

I'm not sure what.
You see I love my kids Totally Unconditionally. Just like your supposed too. And it wasn't hard to do. All I had to do was see them on that ultra sound and it was there.
I want them to have the advatages I didn't have.
I also want them to have the basics.
Clothes, Education, Water, FOOD.
Food was something we didn't have too much of when I was growing up.
Both my kids are not big eaters.
Nathan is a picky eater.
Or spoiled, I don't know.
We fight with him to eat breakfast. And I understand how hard it is to eat when you get up in the morning. Some mornings he gobbles things down. Others he's a little Pill. He's not a big boy.
He's headstrong. Stubborn.
And Honestly he should eat before he gets to school, he is calmer and we all know the studies on children who eat in the morning.
This week has been particularly difficult.
All meals, not just breakfast.
He won't eat even his usual stuff.
No bread. No crackers. Very little cheese, or meat. And he hasn't eaten a vegetable other than potatoes ever. Spit them out as a baby and still does. EVEN when I hide it.
And We the parents are supposed to set an example.
We'll I'm some example.
I lost it.
Over a Granola bar he wasn't eating.
I slammed my cup spilled my tea and started screaming and crying.
I had a Temper taturm.
Then Miranda screamed back at me.
Which made it worse.
What a way to send them all to school.
Everything out of that's boy mouth is contractdicting what I say.
Pick up your toys.
No you do it.
and another fight begins.
The bedtime battles have been hard this week. Maybe becasue Miranda was gone last week or the time change (stupid time change) I don't know but he's been diffcult every night and hasn't been in months.
But I lost it.

Great example.

I wanted to be one of those mom's who never get upset.
Always has the patitence of Job.
Are great with doing things with there kids.
And seem oh so happy and not worried.
Seem to know instinctively how to deal with anything there kids throw at them.
I worry that I cannot.
I want Nathan to EAT and TRY ANYTHING!
(I can't even get medication in him when he is sick.)
Even making a meal is a struggle Because I don't know what he is going to eat. IF anything.
Listen most of the time or at least don't out right argue with me.
Want to feel calm inside.
I haven't in a long while.

I feel so Horrible that I lost it with him. That both kids had to see their mom at there wits ends.
After all he is only 5.
What is going to happen when he is older, stronger, and a teenager.
I've had it pretty easy with Miranda.
Nathan I'm terrified for.
I don't want to have this battle of the wills with him then.
Because It won't do any good and no one ever really wins.
I wanted to have him so much and I love him so much.
I can see so much potential with him.
He's smart, charismatic, determined.
NOW I'm screwing up.
And I'm supposed to be the grown up.


Marla said...

SHARON! You know me -- you know how I am, and you know I would not just offer assvice. But I am SHOUTING right now:

You need this book:

I have spent the past few months reading it over and over -- and my relationship with Josephine, who is often like Nathan, changed completely.

All of our lives are better for it.

I can't tell you enough -- read it. Go out and buy it today. And don't just try to cram it in -- treat it like a therapy session, a doctor's appointment, or whatever. Don't just try to get in a few pages at bedtime. It's too good for that.

And, as I learned from the book:
"Begin with the end in mind."

Marla said...

Oh...and it's okay. I do think kids need to see you're human, and that you have limits that can be reached. You can always apologize, explain where you're coming from, and by all means - let them know they had a part in your frustration reaching its limit.

And a big hug.

BeachMama said...

After all the tantrums you (and all us Moms) have endured you are entitled to one once in a while. I actually find if I have a melt down things get better.

I think the time change messed with a bunch of kids this year, funny three weeks earlier and it messes things up.


nancy said...

I agree with Marla, that is it not a bad thin gfor the kids to see we are human too - not only SUPERhuman, but real humans who have real feelings that can be hurt.

Is Nathan the type of kid who will listen to someone else more so than you? Like a teacher? or a show? or a book? I wonder if you spoke with his teacher and suggested a class unit/project on why eating is good for you? Do you think that would work? Yes, tell her why!!

What about his pediatrician? If hearing it from a doctor, does that make more important than just coming from Mommy & Daddy?

Just thinking out loud.

I also have a book suggestion, but for Nathan, not you (but oh how I am SO gonna check out that parent book Marla recommends). Oh heck, I'll send one to you.

Hang in there.

P.S. I bet I lose it on my kids way more than you do.

Devra said...

I bet your so learned his empathy and ability to forgive somewhere and I would bet it wasn't in some dark alley somewhere, he learned it from his awesome mommy! That is what comes out of something like this, we get a bigger picture of what our kids are learning from us. Look at your son's ability to be so insightful and take pride in the fact you have contributed to him understanding what an apology means and how to accept one! Good for you!
Aviva and I have a goal of absolving guilt...one mommy at a time. Today it was you!