About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I used to like mornings

but lately

Nathan has been nothing but a pill. I think he needs to learn a lesson but how?

He refuses to dress himself at all. Easier for me to dress him. Says he doesn't want to go to school, but then say I have to take him to school because he has to be there. Wants me to drive him in like his friend does and so he can play a few minutes more. I tried this once (OK I see you hsaking your head at me) just to see if one day a week I could do this.BUT It was the same thing when it came time to leaave. A fight to get him to dress himself. Took his sweet time about everything. I don't want to encourage this. I don't want to drive him in daily when a bus passes at teh end of the road every bloody day. I already go to the school every day but in time for my shift at school. And I don't want him to think that he can get away with not going to school because he feels like a play day. Every morning my blood pressure rises. I'm tired of it. We had a long talk about it this morning while waiting for the bus. He's always been strong willed. VERY Strong willed. It's been a power struggle since the day he was born. He's a great kid but some days I want to chuck my MOM HAT and take something simpler. Garbage collector. Sewage treatment operator. Undercover Cop. I bet Donald Trumps job is way easier than mine is in the mornings. And the worst is every day I say I'm not going to let him get to me but he does.

So do any of you have any suggestions for my Strong will stubborn Child. I want nice mornings back, soon, or I may be paying Mr. Trump a call.

( I'd put a picture here but Photobucket can't connect today)


Marla said...

I'm going to ask a question, and I don't want it to sound judgy - it's just that I've had the same struggles with Josephine, and I've put my finger on the one thing that made all the difference. The TV. On the mornings we don't have the TV on, life is better. Then, time doesn't run in show increments. We leave for daycare when I say it's time to - not "after Sagwa". She eats her breakfast efficiently, not in zoned out bites with nagging between them. She gets herself dressed. It's huge. She does need to have a little time to connect with her toys, or to enjoy again what she might have the night before like a good new book or a game we played - but I just try to give her time to do that while I get dressed.

That, and one day when she refused to get dressed, I started to carry her out of the house in her pajamas. The thought of going to school in her pajamas was so strange, she begged to get dressed. So it also helps if she gets dressed first thing - it helps me too. My days are better when I get dressed first thing, and when she does? It's a huge difference. Now that she's dressing herself more, I find that her anxiousneess is lessened if she knows the night before what she's wearing, and that it's stuff she can manage herself. I found that the first few times when she succeeded, and all went smoothly, I praised her to the heavens and let her know often that day how happy I was and that the whole day was going better because of what she did. When we start the day off right, we're ready for anything.

Other things we do for Miss Pokey Pants? I let a timer be the bad guy. Three minutes more is three minutes, no arguing.

Also? On the days she really resisted going to school, it often turned out she was having anxieties about one kid who'd been a bit of trouble there. We use those Guatemalan "Trouble Dolls" - she tells her worries about the day to them, and then leaves them with me. That way I get to hear them aloud, and she' gets to unburden herself instead of internalizing and then transferring that into bad behaviour. On the way (walking or driving) we rehearse things she can say to make it better, and I remind her as I seem to need to do that the teachers really are there to help her with stuff like that.

We're also working on re-framing - she goes to daycare because there are people that are happy to see her there, because she is part of a team, and because there are good things in store for her that she can't know about unless she goes. Telling her she "had" to go was giving her the feeling of being put asied - she stopped feeling the pressure when we told her that it was an opportunity and that we like it when she comes home with exciting things to tell us. It's not quite candy coating it - but I was talking with a friend who espoused the theory that positive thinking changes the way the brain's synapses fire. That if you get in the habit when you're young of thinking the happier thoughts, of thinking "I can" and not letting the brain's pathways form along the negative routes, you can form your brain to work in that way.

It sounds odd, but I hope that's working for Josephine - she's got some inherited anxieties, she's intense and introverted - but I've been notice a difference in her when I act firm and confident and positive. Just like people can supposedly tell when someone is smiling over the phone, I think Josephine can tell when I'm smiling inside. So faking it, makes it happen, or so it seems.

I'm always happy to listen, or talk more. You know me.

DaniGirl said...

Great suggestions from Marla! I can't believe I'm about to follow up by quoting Dr Phil, but hey, the man talks enough, there's got to be a few good kernels in there. He says everyone has a 'currency' and you just have to find what Nathan's is.

Maybe you can use a sticker chart to elicit the behaviour you want (i.e. getting dressed) and once he has done this for one week or two, you can reward him with one day's drive to school? Or something else he wants, like extra outside playtime or an extra book at bedtime or whatever? Or maybe on the fifth day you'll help him? These kinds of things work pretty well over here. I'm all about the bribery!!

Good luck!