About Me

My photo
I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.


I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

They didn't come with a manual

My kids of course.
I feel sort of left out and a bad parent these days.
Nathan doesn't listen when and then says he hates me for whatever it is I'm stopping him from, for which I put him in his room for saying those words.
He says swear words he has picked up from some of the teenagers that are here from time to time and school. (OK Shit he got from me. )
I feel like most times I have no control over him.
Boy are boys different. More extreme.
Then he hugs me and tells me I'm the bet Mommy in the world and that he loves me so much that he wants to squeeze me hard.

And then there is my lovely daughter.
Things have been OK, there is not anything I can really put my finger on but they are not the same.
She used to tell me everything and talk to me about everything.
Now she seems to hold it in. Not all but some.
I know she is happy and doing fine.
I know she is going to be 18 soon. An adult.
Oh sooo soon.
I still want my little girl who thinks mommy can help with everything. I know I can't have that, but hey I'm a mom I can wish can't I?
My mother never had time for me, with 4 other kids and working, I was left to fend for myself. Look after the others and clean house. I was and still not that close to her. I never told or asked her anything, because I knew what I would get. A nasty look that only she could give and tell me to smarten up. No words of encouragement, no well lets talk about this whether it was right or wrong.
I swore I when Miranda was born I would not do that to her.
And for the most part we have a great relationship better than some people I know. BUT things are changing. I guess that is not bad, she doesn't need me as much anymore and I know she will make the right choices. If she makes a mistake it won't be the end of the world. I try really hard to let her make the choices. I really try not to tell her where and what she should do. It's up to her. I hope I'm doing ok with that.

But am I "the interfering mother"?
Yes I have no life outside of my family and I'm hoping to change that. (university) I'm hoping to occupy my mind with other things other than wondering what she is up too. I know in my heart she is up to nothing, she is a good young lady. A wonderfully smart young lady.

DO I talk too much about her? I think I keep her inner most thoughts to myself.

She still asks me to come and lay with her. But most times she doesn't chat anymore I just get asked to rub her back It's little comments that hurt and get to me. "Mom!"or a roll of the eye. I even got heck for looking a a video on Facebook...on MY Facebook of her friends playing in a band. And I feel like I'm intruding when I do ask questions. I try to be friendly to her friends, but not too friendly, I don't what to hang with 18 year olds, I just like to chat and see what's up in there minds, but I even alittle bit is too much at this age or maybe even strange at this age. This might be too much too. Doesn't being an adult mean you can talk to everyone and anyone?
At 18 I was married.
At 18 she has no thoughts of getting married. She wants to move out on her own and life life alittle. Something I really didn't do. I wish I had but I do not regret marring Jack one bit.

Am I that interfering?
I really hope not.
I guess I have to step back again and let go some more.
Let a little more of my heart go with her. I'm not going to have much of a heart left by the time Nathan grows up and does the same.
Maybe I say things I shouldn't but I'm so gosh darn proud of her. Her stories are so funny.
She is brilliant at everything she does and a nice nice person to boot.
I can't wait to see what life has in store for her!
I just want to be a little part of it.
Like I said before they don't come with a manual.
I sure could use one right about now.

No comments: