About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Here's What I've been thinking

Hold onto your hats people; it's going to be an all over the place post.

I just hit 45 on Saturday and I had a great Party with some close friends and drank way more than I should have.
I like who I am, mostly, I don't like how heavy I have become, That middle age spread has spread pretty hard. I put on 15 lbs this summer! Who saw that coming. I knew my shape had changed but SHIT.
I'm going to work on that. Starting out with walking (now that I have mp3 player it should be easier to walk to a beat) and watching what I eat and eating more veggies and fruit and less bread and chips. I'll cut the pop out slowly. Can't take it all away can I?

I'm going to be 50 in a few short years.
That Scares me.
Really scares me.
Turning 40 scared me but no where near as much as 50 does.
Age never really bothered me. And aging never has until now.
And. Aging. I. Am.
I see how my body is slow to respone to diet and exercise. A line here and there and OMG the grey hair I am hiding. Can't go to long without a root touchup.
Hate it.
I'm beginning to forget things...which scares me to. I have to write lists. Never had to before.
Hate that.
Hate that I wasted so much of my life not doing the things I wanted to and being afraid of them.
I'm going back to school in just over a week. That was just a thing that was happening in the future and now it's here. can we say scared shitless? I still worry if I can do it. How long will it take me to finish my degree? Will anyone want a woman of my advanced years to work for them when there are all them younger, fresher minds out there? I'm trying not to regert the things I did or didn't do in the past but it does get to one at times. I wonder if doing this degree is the right thing? Maybe I should do something else that gets me out of quicker sooner? But I always wanted this art history degree.
I'm passionate about my photography but most people can take a good picture. AND Some people who don't tell me what's wrong with mine. SIGH. I was really pissed the day that happened and told the person...can I see your photo portifolio? She shut up. She couldn't even tell me what an f I should have used when I asked. She didn't know what it was. SIGH.

I miss painting, but my painting area is ,....well isn't. I have to wait it seems for everything because something else comes along that is more important to be bought. Like the car we need to get me to school. Well fair enough. But I've been waiting 2 year for Jack to do this. This room has been in a state of unfinished-ness for 2 years since I painted it. I want it done and organized, who can organize when it's not finished.

My House. Well lets not go into that. I want my house finished. I'm sick of living in a half finish house.
Please! Please! don't give me that speel about well you've not had to pay a mortage and saved so much money. I agree but COMMON' the house is 20 years old now.

It doesn't make me feel any better when you say that either...you that do have mortages and live in a house with baseboards and flooring and trim around the windows.

Why do I have to wait? It's not fair. (Yes I know life is not fair) I'm going to be too fucking old to enjoy it by the time it is done.
Jack's not completely to blame not one is. I could be more of a bitch too.

SO I guess I'm having a mid life crisis. AND it's hitting me big time. I don't like it. Not one damn bit. Thinking about the future is scaring the crap out of me. Can't hid from life though. Wish I could have my 21 year old body back, health, and have the wisedom I have now. Guess that's is not possible, but 40 to 50 lbs would be great. And NOT have to work so blood hard on it!
I think I need some support but not sure where to get it. When Jack supports at times it's sounds like a lecture he would give the kids. He doesn't mean it that way but it sounds that way.
Or I could just myself a BIG OLD KICK IN THE ASS AND move on.

Here's a photo I took that I like
Pickling Day

Guess I had a lot to get off my chest and its COLD Outside which just means another summer has come and gone. SIGH Off to put a chicken in the oven for supper and finish another load of Laundry.


nancy said...

Deep breath.

Step back.

Count all the millions of blessings you've had over the past 45 years, and look ahead to the millions that lay ahead of you....

Happy Birthday!

Silver Creek Mom said...

Thanks..I will... Breathing I will have to work on.

BeachMama said...

Awesome photo! And we all have to have birthdays, I am glad you had a good one, but stop beating yourself up about getting older, it happens to the best of us ;).