About Me

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I am a MATURE student in life and University. I am a mom to a 21 year old Daughter(How did that happen?) and university student. Mom to a busy 10-year-old boy. Wife of Jack-of-all trades for 29 years. Sister and friend to many. Sharon just lucky I guess.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

I decided it was time for a change!

I write this Blog for me, no one else, just me. It is a way to think outloud, and to share my experiences with the world. Maybe some will be interested and some will not, and who knows, I might figure something out myself. I will talk about whatever comes to my mind, and sometimes it is hard for me to do, but I will do it anyway.

I enjoy photography so you will see a lot of my work. I love to read and you will see quotes from my favorite authors. Generally follow my life as try to obtain my undergrad in Art History and English at Carleton University.

Please read, enjoy and comment, open disscussion is welcome.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Happy Birthday to me

Yup, today is my 47th birthday, and today I have the right to muse here, and well, be blunt, open and honest and maybe confusing, but it is my birthday and I can do that!

Let's start with my favourite quote from William Faulkner

" Fear is the most damnable, damaging thing to human personality in the whole world."

Yup that is me, afraid of many things but for this post, my age and how it is damaging to me.
My age has become a preoccupation with me. It shouldn't but it is. It is only a number, but I can't believe that I am 47 feeling 27! Although when I look in the mirror is see crow's feet forming, lines on my chest that were, I am darn sure not there last week, parts of my body losing its fight with gravity, and those damnable pounds I have been trying to lose for years and other things I will not talk about in polite company. And with 50 looming on the horizon, seems to be a hard one for me even if it is 3 years away.

40 hit me hard and then I accepted it, but as 45 approached and went, and 46 just whipped on by, those same fears of growing older are coming back stronger and harder. There was a time when I thought 50 was OLD, when people were not having sex or even thinking about it or that way didn't really care about appearance and started to wear old clothes. You know the ones, the ones with the polyester pants with the elastic waist bands, comfortable but unfashionable shoes, I started to cringe and say I AM NOT DOING THAT! I am going to wear those uncomfortable sexy shoes, and have all the sex I want, even if I don't quite look like Julia Roberts while doing it and I dare anyone to take away my sexy jeans and jackets that I love to wear! Maybe show a little cleavage before the girls head south for a permanent vacation. Polyester will have to wait for awhile... Honey, not on this body!

I jest, but I do see now how wrong I was. 50 year olds are as hot and sexy as 30 year olds with a little more life experience. I have some prime examples in my life! Women who have embraced their age and still look awesome and better than they did when they were younger! I am trying to model myself after these women, and it this is the beginning of the rest of my life, where I can still dress as I like, wear sexy uncomfortable shoes, short skirts but not too short and look good with all the signs that I have lived, and lived well. I have enjoyed my life, even IF I am going through a mid life crisis. I am improving myself, and changing and the people in my life are having a hard time keeping up. Some do not want me to change, some applaud it, and others just roll their eyes and put up with me. I am not sure who I was, or who I am, but I am damn sure I will turn into the person I want to be in a few years. DO the things I have put on hold while my family was young. Now it is my turn to be ME! Not who others think I am or want me to be. I have a whole new person screaming to get out, and she is coming out, slowly but surely and hopefully with grace and some style.

Now I know I can say all this, and swear I will not let a NUMBER get me down, and I know numbers will get me down from time to time, but I am fighting a society that has not embraced aging at all. Yes, we are starting to, and I think only because we outnumber the younger crowd, and marketers are not stupid. They know WHO has the money and WHO the consumers are, so they play up to us. It is hard to not fall prey to marketing and what we have been told for 50 years, that once you hit a certain age it is all over, bring out the depends, buy your polyester, and get those comfy but ugly shoes, and accept your age, or try to keep up with the younger crowd and keep aging at bay...I am not sure which is right, BUT honey there are a lot of us out there who are not going to accept this and do things our own way, some of us will go out fighting with facelifts, and surgery to keep looking for that eternal fountain of youth and dress like we were still 19. Some of us will buy all the anti aging products that we can afford, and dress like we are in our 30's and dye the grey out for a few more years. AND some of us will do what some of us before have done, get the comfy shoes and live life paying no mind to the rest of scrambling to keep our youth. Sometimes I wonder who are the crazy ones....No matter, whatever each of us do, we have to do it in our own style and grace, and do what is best for us. I am hoping to be middle of the road with my own sense of style and grace. And, of course, with a lot of laughs with family and friends!

But what I am doing is trying to improve my self esteem by improving my mind. University is my mid life crisis, and low and behold it is where I belong! I am opening my mind up to different concepts and opinions, learning that I am ok who I am, and listening to others of all ages and life styles and experiences. Although at times I do find it hard when, a beautiful, smart young woman walks by and makes me feel, well OLD. I am in an environment filled with smart beautiful young women and I do feel out of place a lot of the time. But I love this adventure! An adventure I want to continue for years! It makes me smile and happy to get up in the morning!

So let's end with another favourite Faulkner quote to which I am going to try and live by

"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

No matter what I see in the mirror in the morning, Crow's feet, saggy baggage and all I will try to be me, no matter what.



BeachMama said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sexy Chickie!! I don't even remember that you are seven years older than me it would seem to me that we are the same age :).

You are doing all the right things for you, happy that I can call you friend. HAve a great Day!!

valerie said...

your post starts out low and ends on a determined high - good for you!

Love your pictures, as always. I came today to see if you did the 10/10/10 challenge yesterday because I love your pictures. I know you love university, but keep taking pictures, please! :)

Happy Thanksgiving, friend!